Today I felt like I finally met the people that I needed to have met a lot earlier on in my college career. Plus, I've come to realize that some of the people who I really like hanging out with were always there, just one or two floors below me, but I never thought to pay them a visit. Why? Because I was too afraid of the rejection.
In truth, I just need to be more confident in myself. I came to college with the expectations that I was finally free, that every day would be a party, that I could be content as that "bad girl" with a group of party friends that fed my insatiable, frail ego. I've come to realize how vulnerable I am and how I use the approval of others as a direct judgement on my character and self-worth. Of course, I feel better when I look more attractive but attraction will only keep people within my presence for a short period of time.
I'm happy and glad that I'm learning a little something about how I'm not actually that anti-social and that people can actually love me for who I am. I think it's because I wanted Joell's popularity with the friends that she had, and that made me forget the ones that I had personally met. The people Joell wants to hang out with are the ones from her church, who share the same religion as she does. The people who were meant for me are the ones from Business and Moore-Hill and raves and high school. Joell never really kept the ones from Westlake. We're two different people but we're still best friends. Why did it take me so long to realize that?
In truth, I just need to be more confident in myself. I came to college with the expectations that I was finally free, that every day would be a party, that I could be content as that "bad girl" with a group of party friends that fed my insatiable, frail ego. I've come to realize how vulnerable I am and how I use the approval of others as a direct judgement on my character and self-worth. Of course, I feel better when I look more attractive but attraction will only keep people within my presence for a short period of time.
I'm happy and glad that I'm learning a little something about how I'm not actually that anti-social and that people can actually love me for who I am. I think it's because I wanted Joell's popularity with the friends that she had, and that made me forget the ones that I had personally met. The people Joell wants to hang out with are the ones from her church, who share the same religion as she does. The people who were meant for me are the ones from Business and Moore-Hill and raves and high school. Joell never really kept the ones from Westlake. We're two different people but we're still best friends. Why did it take me so long to realize that?
I don't know where I could ever have lost so much confidence in myself.
Happenings of today of great notice:
Met Max Parks for lunch today! Joined by hipster friend, Jonathan and this girl who shall go by Terrawatt. Cool kids. Not my style.
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