+October 19

(+) DAY

Today I felt like I finally met the people that I needed to have met a lot earlier on in my college career. Plus, I've come to realize that some of the people who I really like hanging out with were always there, just one or two floors below me, but I never thought to pay them a visit. Why? Because I was too afraid of the rejection.

In truth, I just need to be more confident in myself. I came to college with the expectations that I was finally free, that every day would be a party, that I could be content as that "bad girl" with a group of party friends that fed my insatiable, frail ego. I've come to realize how vulnerable I am and how I use the approval of others as a direct judgement on my character and self-worth. Of course, I feel better when I look more attractive but attraction will only keep people within my presence for a short period of time.

I'm happy and glad that I'm learning a little something about how I'm not actually that anti-social and that people can actually love me for who I am. I think it's because I wanted Joell's popularity with the friends that she had, and that made me forget the ones that I had personally met. The people Joell wants to hang out with are the ones from her church, who share the same religion as she does. The people who were meant for me are the ones from Business and Moore-Hill and raves and high school. Joell never really kept the ones from Westlake. We're two different people but we're still best friends. Why did it take me so long to realize that?

I don't know where I could ever have lost so much confidence in myself.

Happenings of today of great notice:

Met Max Parks for lunch today! Joined by hipster friend, Jonathan and this girl who shall go by Terrawatt. Cool kids. Not my style. 

FINALLY!

I'm finally pleased with my college experience!! Last Saturday (October 1st), I got my sexy new eyebrow piercing AND started talking to Spencer again. Elljo got Muffin. I still don't know what to name my new piercing yet, but I'm thinking along the lines of Nightlight.

I really needed that last rave to get me back into reality. Disobey II, you were worth something after all, because I had the chance to have some drunk shenanigans with Matt and Troy, meet up with Christen, become friends with Ross, flirt with Maylee and most of all just accept that I am who I am. It's funny, because the day of that rave, I was probably the saddest I had ever been since school started. Heh.

I'm falling..

I thought I wouldn't fall again.

But really, I should have known this would happen eventually.

Three weeks of pleasantry apparently was enough.

Evan Morrison.

IMMENSE RECAP: SCHOOL STARTED

Wow, so I haven't posted since I started school at the prestigious University of Texas at Austin, because some person was too dumb to figure out how to get around the utexas.edu blogger restriction. Hint: that person is me.

I'm finally back! Yay!

I have rowing tryouts tomorrow at 7am, but I have to wake up at 5:30 to catch the bus at 6:10. FML. I promise to write the recap of everything that has happened this past *almost* month.

Today, three significant things happened amongst all the other interesting things.

For one, I ate a whole stuffed individual Mangia Mia without feeling guilty.
Two, I baked brownies and actually ATE them.
Third, I met Tripp Grodon Williams. Really good friends with the Warnock twins and Mark Judice. WTF. Small world much?

Right now, I'm fucking tired so I'm going to go to bed now, maybe sleep, pop some energy shots tomorrow and get ready to show Coach King what a badass coxswain I can be.

Diet Problems!!!

I'm straying off my diet!!!!


This is a travesty in the making! I need to get my willpower back and start eating REAL vegan shit! Gahhhh!

I'm also moving in in under 2 days, and I'm really nervous about it. There's so much to think about; I didn't have time to mentally prepare myself (such a lie...I've had like 3 months of summer).

Needless to say, thank you summer of 2011 for being the best summer I've had since, well, ever :)

Defined: Faffing

Faffing.

The word that accurately describes the amount and type of work I have accomplished all day.

In fact, it's been absolutely wonderful. The only stress I feel is the fact that I can't eat as much as I want (because I'm a little fucking bored, but hey what else is new). I kind of like it. The thing is, is that there are a lot of other things I could've done in my spare time between when I went to BodyStep this morning at cleaning the fridge shelves.

1. Finish McCombs Leadership App.
2. Learn how to dance to Sweet Dreams
3. Clean my fucking room
4. Find things in the process
5. Finish that LSD book
6. Take a shower <<sorry, bad habit...I should take more more often.
7. CLEAN MY ROOM

I mean, I've already taken a nap today too. What else can I possibly faff around with -.-

Dear Miss Opal Dragonfly

So THIS is why I really hate HOL. You just find all these weirdos and creeps who are not in absolutely any way normal or would be able to fit in in a normal society OFF the internet.

You have your douchebags, your annoying know-it-alls, your little trolls...

But THEN you have those people who have no self-esteem in real life and have to go online to feel all hoity-toity about themselves because they aren't accepted in actual society with actual, living BREATHING people. They're shut out of social situations, they have trouble making real friends and then they feel like because others can't judge them on how weird they are (at first! oh at first!), they think they're all high and mighty and start walking around like they're queen of the world.

Then you have those people who take everything WAY way WAY WAY too seriously. Everything. EVERYfuckingTHING. Honestly people, we're all complete nerds. We're playing a fucking ROLE PLAYING game based on a book about freaking wizards and witches. We're fucking pretending we're fucking in Hogwarts and we fucking have to take these fucking classes.

HOL may be your life, but it sure as hell ain't mine because, honestly speaking, I have other things going on in my real life. And THAT, my friend, is why you have fucking no life and no friends and have to rely on hiding yourself behind a computer so you don't have to face fucking reality.

**EDIT: AND ONE MORE THING: I absolutely fucking HATE it when people online act like total bitches and it's totally a part of their personality that they're trying to hide behind sweet and cute little lines of texts because WE can't see their body language. BODY LANGUAGE. <<EDIT>> I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm talking about here. I think I'm trying to say that I fucking hate it when people ARE bitches and you can tell through subtle connotations in their writing style that they ARE fucking bitches and have no life and are totally socially inept in real life and basically worthless idiots wasting our precious air and time and resources BUT they insist (absolutely INSIST) on trying to pretend that they're cute and all. Yeah right, like adding a little "*scurries away in a corner*" is going to fucking endear you to me. I know what cute is. I fucking exude the image OF fucking cuteness. Am I cute all the time? No. Do I pretend to be? Sometimes. Am I a bitch? YES. All the time? NO. And THAT acknowledgement, buddy ol' pal, is what marks the difference between a total fucktard like YOU and a someone like ME.

If you're a bitch, you're a bitch. Don't pretend to be something you're not. We may all have our inner bitch, but at least we're obvious and acknowledging our own shortcomings. It's when people like you try to hide your bitchiness and try to be fucking CUTE when you're abso-fucking-lutely NOT is what fucking ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF ME.

Bite me. I dare you. Fucking motherfucking fucktard....